i have been tinkering with the poem, past lost lies, i put on this blog last week.
i remember when i started writing it, it was with the intention of writing a sonnet –
(and maybe it is fanciful but as i posted it, it did seem truncated – the truncation however, being somewhat apt to the subject, didnt jar too much in my head.)
but now having tinkered, it is duly a sonnet, and completes a procrastinated teenage impulse, a true embodiment of what it is about…
here’s the text:
past lost love (procrastination)
… i have spent my life procrastinating
each hour postponing the next, so sad
to be without the love i want so bad
as my past lost lies, insinuating…
a sense of wantonness into my head,
her warmth between my sheets –
– i remember
fucking and kissing in cold november…
the smell and feel of her fresh in my bed
and she so unexplored, driving me mad
with lust to be once again without lust
to lose her, let her go in timeless trust,
the best i had, or ever dreamed i had…
… but you today are all that time postponed
and past lost love deferred but not disowned…
freddie omm
About freddie
Completion of incompletion,
assumption of non-assumption.
Indifferent to difference,
the dissonance of assonance.
It’s lovely and quite a different poem now.
“Fucking”… I’m not sure. Firstly thought it didn’t sit well with love, but then thought its rawness good, then reverted to initial thought… jury’s still out.
Interesting change from the original “you” to “her” which made me think the current “you” was now a third person. If this isn’t so, and it’s a merely a way of distancing the person that was from the person that now is, I think you’d need a further clue to indicate this is what you’re doing as most people would probably read it as being two distinct people.
Last two lines are lovely.
I had to look up sonnets to see what the ‘rules’ are, and I see you’ve used an unconventional rhyming pattern… a modification of the Italian?? (from what I’ve read – ha ha, am not at all sure).
Was there a reason for this? Or did you just rhyme it the way it came out??